40 Day Fast: Day 18: Why I Hate His Economy

Knowing God’s economy is so much easier then actually believing in it. It is easier to understand love than to actively walk in perfect love. The fact is that as much as I desire to walk in a full understanding of the economy of God, I would much rather walk in a full manifestation of that economy. The first is easy; it is ‘to know.’ The second though is not easy. It is in fact living in the walking out of that economy. But it is more than that. It is not just walking out the economy, but instead it is walking it out in Prefect Love. That means joyfully walking out the Sermon on the Mount because it brings joy and love to the inner man.

“What is this mystery?” I say. Because my flesh cries out that walking out this lifestyle can not be done in Joy. I was looking at 1 John 4:18 and the marvel of what is says in God’s economy.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”

What John is laying out here is that if we are to walk in the Love of God then we are to have confidence at the judgment. And this confidence comes from knowing perfect love. Simply this, that if we walk in the perfect love of Christ, then our fear of the yoke of the Sermon on the Mount is removed and instead we walk in God’s Economy empowered by grace to persevere in spite of failure.

Yet still, the economy of God looks so hard from the outside. The reason is that I walk with fear and unbelief in my heart is because I do not actually trust that God is good as he has said from his word. In the end I do not actually believe that sowing into God’s economy fasting, praying, giving and serving are really going to create humility in my heart and produce genuine blessing from the hand of the Lord.

And this thought leaves me preciously close to legalism, because when my faith in the goodness of the Lord wanes, my flesh rises up within me and desires to bring about my own salvation though my own arm. I am caught then doubting truly in the leadership of Jesus and finding myself offended by the way that he does government.

In Matthew 11:29-20 Jesus says “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” This is the truth of Jesus’ economy, the way that he runs his Kingdom. It is the fear and unbelief in my own heart that causes me to be truly offended by the fact that this is how Jesus deals with me. It might seem odd that what is typically seen as a picture of Jesus’ tender and gentle way would offend me, yet what that concept fails to recognize, fails to see is that if that is Jesus’ leadership, his way, then it is my way also, it is the way I must be, must operate, must realign myself if I want to have influence in the Kingdom.

Jesus leadership offends my flesh not because he is humble, but because he calls for me to be as well. I am not offended because Jesus chooses to serve and fast and pray, but instead because that is what Jesus asks me to do. In fact he says that if I don’t then I have no authority in his kingdom. Yet if I do all this joylessly, out of my own strength, willpower, motivation, for my own salvation, then it is of no value either.

What Jesus has asked of us, what he has called us to is grace. To walk meekly and lowly with him, yoked to him. He is asking us to undertake walking beside him, bound to him, to walk as he takes us into the realm of his economy, his kingdom. As we walk he will guild us into his leadership, at first with harsh jerks as we pull back, as we resist, him never being harsh, yet us in our struggle, in our rending of hearts, tearing at the bit pulling against him. Yet he calls us to walk with him until our steps are inline with his, his economy is our economy and his joy is in fact really truly fully our joy.

That is then the true meaning of making joy complete. When my joy and Christ’s joy is unified together is his leadership, in his kingdom, in the economy that my flesh hates yet my spirit loves. Thus now can I have joy, a foretaste of joy, because the Lord’s economy is trust worthy and true and a laborer is worth their hire and to sow into the kingdom is promised to bring reward to those who sow according to the economy of Jesus.