40 Day Fast: Day 15: Listless

I feel too listless to write. On one hand I am just too tired, even though I slept in, it is not really sustaining me, I just feel exhausted, and at the same time a little comfortable with the music, it is of the kind to close your eyes to and drift off and move in and out of sleep to, and so I really just don’t want to stay awake. Sleeping seems easier.

At the same time sleep has not really been that easy either, a lot of dreams and just weirdness which never really sorts itself out. A lot of the time it is just random bursts which say nothing to my life or situations.

The fact of that matter is that I don’t have anything to say and that bothers me, I don’t have any revelation and I really am getting to the end of my rope in a lot of ways, because I don’t have any thing in my heart, and nothing in my head, but I am tired and I don’t want to do this anymore, because I am not sure how it is going to turn out. Yeah, I know my view of god is bad, but really, what am I suppose to do about that, how am I suppose to respond to it. The fact is it is the revelation of God and his Bridegroom Son Christ Jesus that changes my heart and my paradigm to his. I just don’t know how to get there. Again I prayer “Jesus, if you don’t reveal yourself to me I just don’t know what I am going to do